As I celebrate 22 years of marriage, I am reflecting back on the years my wife and I have spent together.
Twenty-two years ago I was excited to finally marry the woman of my dreams. I was maybe a tad bit nervous, but I was READY. I decided that it was time for me to commit to one person for the rest of my life. I have never regretted that decision. I am so thankful for a faithful wife who loves me despite my hyperactivity, my tendency to talk without thinking, and my waxing and waning crabbiness.
Here are some things I have learned and 6 reasons why I believe great marriages don’t just happen.
1. Marriage isn’t always easy.
Nope. We don’t always FEEL like it’s been 22 years of bliss. Life happens. You suffer tough times like miscarriage, loss of a loved one, changes in jobs, disagreements about money, conflict on decisions, anxiety, sadness, uncertainty of the future. Yet, through these experiences you can decide if this will strengthen your marriage or allow it to end something that God has brought together. Take time to communicate with your spouse to work through these challenges.
2. You have a friend for life.
Friends come and go based on certain chapters in your life. It’s not that you cast people aside or that they stop liking you–it’s more that people are in your life at a certain time for a certain reason that only God understands. Yet through it all, your spouse will always be there for you. Build your legacy at home, not at work.
3. Sticking through the hard times is worth it.
Divorce is not a word we use in our home. It is simply not an option for us. Does this mean we never fight? Not at all. But we are learning how to work through conflict in better ways. And it requires ongoing learning as our life circumstances change. It always helps me when I listen to podcasts or audiobooks that addresses specific issues that we are dealing with. It makes me realize that we are not the only ones going through these issues; and THAT is reassuring to me.
4. Never stop dating your spouse.
I don’t care if you’ve been married 1 week or 40 years–you need to keep dating your spouse. That’s a tough thing to ask, especially as kids come along. But I have found that time set aside for communication is so vital to help avoid conflict and to be on the same page. Keep the discussion light and take time to talk about your hopes and dreams for the future.
5. Enjoy your commitment.
No ball and chain for me. I have never regretted my decision. I am ALL IN for life. When you are ALL IN it changes every conversation, every decision, and every moment of your day. Make sure your spouse knows that he/she is on your mind during the day: drops a quick text, make a quick phone call, or write a note before you leave for work. These small things will make a huge difference in your marriage.
6. Laugh again.
When is the last time you and your spouse had a good laugh together? If it has been a while since you laughed together, then it is probably time to mix things up. Talk about your dreams. Do something silly. Take a trip together. Go through old pictures. When you laugh together, marriage is so much more fun.
Here’s a great place for marriage resources. I am a huge fan of FamilyLife Today. Their broadcast has helped many couples build stronger relationships. Check out their site here.
